33-year-old man ends 5-year-long relationship after his girlfriend refuses to discipline her 10-year-old daughter who pathologically lies: 'There are no real consequences for her actions.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 13, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

If you've ever seen the 1956 seminal classic The Bad Seed, you might think that some kids are just born evil. The story follows the rise and fall of a little girl named Rhoda who unalives every and anybody who gets in her way. In a somewhat problematic 1950s way, that movie implies that Rhoda, the titular bad seed, is so disturbed because her mother was adopted and her birth parent was a nefarious criminal. There is no theme the movie explores more than nature versus nurture. These days, it's not above board to say that a kid is just plain evil because they exhibit anti-social traits or behaviors. Rhoda is a caricature, and although it can be amusing to compare your bratty niece or badly behaved kids on the bus to her, there is no such thing as a child destined for doom based solely on the misdeeds of their grandparents. 

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  • Most kids who lie and manipulate do so because they can get away with it. They can get away with it because their parents allow it to continue happening over and over again until their child is a monster. The man in this story watched that process happen to his girlfriend's 10-year-old daughter. 

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    via Brooke Cagle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for ending a 5 year relationship because spoiled stepdaughter?

    I (33M) have been living with my partner (32F) for the past two years. We both have daughters from previous relationships who are about the same age, and they generally get along. However, my daughter is with her mother most of the time, so she doesn't stay with us as often, while my stepdaughter is with us full-time.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    Since we started dating (five years ago), my stepdaughter has been very spoiled and struggles with sharing-especially when it comes to her mother. Setting boundaries with her has been difficult, both in terms of her accepting my presence in her mom's life and improving her behavior.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
  • 04
    After moving in, I started contributing financially, helping with household expenses, and since I have a good salary, I've thrown both girls amazing birthday parties and taken them on great vacations. However, my stepdaughter's entitlement has only gotten worse. She believes she deserves everything, acts extremely spoiled, and refuses to listen.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    via Arjun MJ

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    Throughout our relationship, I've asked my partner to address her daughter's behavior, as she often acts ride, misbehaves, and lies constantly. I've had many conversations with both of them about this, and I even paid for therapy to help my stepdaughter develop better behavior and social skills.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
  • 07
    Despite all of this, things have only escalated. My stepdaughter has become a compulsive liar― she will deny things even when I clearly see her doing them. My partner doesn't discipline her in any meaningful way. She just tells her not to do it again, but there are no real consequences for her actions.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    This is becoming a bigger issue because I don't want my daughter to feel like there's a double standard. If she gets punished for misbehaving while my stepdaughter gets away with everything, that's not fair to her.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
  • 09
    After putting in so much effort and having countless conversations with my partner, I've come to the realization that nothing is going to change. Because of that, I've decided it may be best to walk away.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    Cheezburger Image 10479493888
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

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    1Rainbow Unicorn NTA. Your partner is the problem and is never discipline her kid. going to
    via u/1RainbowUnicorn
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    Humble_Nobody2884 It's not a stepdaughter problem, it's a wife problem. Her refusal to rein her in speaks to not only lax parenting, but a real divergence in their fundamental values. She doesn't see raising kids to be good people as a priority.
    via u/Humble_Nobody2884
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    Much-Recording9444 If she's a compulsive liar, OP should make a run for it. Kid like that can ruin his life with false accusations
    via u/Much-Recording9444
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    mikeyflyguy Sounds like mom is more interested in being a friend than a parent. Move on because this won't change
    via u/mikeyflyguy
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    SecretJaguar2737 OP I've told her the exact same thing, I am glad I am not the only one thinking that!
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    Dependent-Sun6570 She probably likes that you pay for her, that's why she stays with you
    via u/Dependent-Sun6570
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    Mother_Search3350 NTAH It's time to walk away and not get caught up on the lost cost fallacy of 'I have invested so much time.. money.. emotions' That's not your child and her mother has clearly shown that she isn't a good parent or even willing to try to become one.
    via u/Mother_Search3350
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    With you being the only disciplinarian in that household and your partners child being a pathological liar, and her level of entitlement and jealousy, you are literally living in a minefield where any manner of accusation can explode your life into a living hl. You need to cut your losses before she gets pregnant and you are tie to her and her hellion for the rest of your life. Get the hout of Dodge. NTAH
    via u/Mother_Search3350
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    SecretJaguar2737 OP you read my mind, I kept saying that to myself, "so much time and money invested, it surely worth fighting for right?" and I came to a realization that things wont change now. so I will cut my losses and just pack my things up. hopefully I will have that conversation before the EOD
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
  • 20
    Historical-Hall-2246 Once it's over, you'll be saving so much money. Plan some fun daddy-daughter trips. Put that extra money away for your daughter's college fund. You can only go up from here.
    via u/Historical-Hall-2246
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    avid-learner-bot NTA. It must be really challenging to deal with such dynamics at home. I can imagine how frustrating it is when there's a clear imbalance in how discipline is applied. It's great that you're trying to find a fair way for everyone, especially your daughter who might feel the effects of this too. Have you thought about discussing family counseling as an option? Sometimes having an external perspective can really help set things straight and encourage more cooperation at home. And
    via u/avid-learner-bot
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    SecretJaguar2737 OP As part of the therapy sessions, we have all three talked together. The therapist has repeatedly told my partner that she needs to take a more active role in disciplining her daughter and be stricter since, right now, I am the only one doing the parenting. The concern is that my stepdaughter might resent me because of this. So, it's definitely something I've tried and that was concluded in the family sessions.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    Affectionate-Low5301 NTA. Your daughter comes first and you need to be concerned about the environment that she is in and the behavior examples that she is exposed to. You have given both your ex-partner and her daughter more than ample opportunity to improve both of their behaviors. It's the old "you can lead a horse to water..." adage.
    via u/Affectionate-Low5301
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    It is time that both of them learned that actions (or not taking action in your exe's case) have consequences. Walk away with a clear conscience and focus on your own child first. You deserve far more respect than you have been receiving.
    via u/Affectionate-Low5301
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    SecretJaguar2737 OP I've given them five years to change―I think that's more than enough time, lol. We had an argument in the first year because I couldn't even be with my partner for 10 minutes without her daughter being there or interrupting for attention. We actually broke up for a few weeks because of that since I literally had no alone time with her. After we got back together, we set better boundaries when I was around but not as it should be though.
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    Tinkerpro NTA, you don't need to deal with this. The Daughter is probably hoping that you will get out of their lives, although you didn't say how old the girls are, she probably hasn't thought ahead about if the man moves out that means less money coming in and mom won't be giving me everything anymore. Oh, well. Your obligation is to your daughter. Find a two bedroom place for you to move, let her set up her own room and pay attention to her. Spoil her just a bit for the time being.
    via u/Tinkerpro
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    SecretJaguar2737 OP My SD is well aware if I walk out, the luxuries will no longer be happening, I pay virtually 90% of the expenses. she knows I make good money, so she only talks nice to me when she wants something. it kida sks for me to be even saying this, but it is true, she tolerates me because of that, or that's what I believe it's happening BTW they are both the age of 10
    via u/SecretJaguar2737
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    Odd_Instruction519 Wait, so you told a 5 year old to not go near her mother when you were around? Seriously? A 5 year old? Could that possibly be the reason for her behaviour? That she was forced, at 5, to keep away from her mother for extended periods of time?
    via u/Odd_Instruction519

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relationship kid kids raising daughters daughters partners relationships partner stepdad daughter discipline mom toxic relationship Parenting Fail children
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